Boosting your self-esteem sounds great, but what no one tells you is that not everyone will be happy about it. Personal growth can disrupt the expectations and comfort zones of those around you, leading to friction and even pushback. Here’s what you need to know to stay on track:
1. Recognising Change
The first step is recognising that you’re evolving, which is exciting and empowering. But don’t expect everyone to cheer you on. As you grow and let go of old beliefs, habits, and relationships that no longer serve you, some people might feel threatened or left behind. They may prefer the old version of you, the one that fits neatly into their world. Accepting that not everyone will celebrate your growth is crucial in building self-esteem. Keep returning to the moment when you committed to valuing yourself. Anchor yourself to it so others can’t pull you away.
2. Re-educating Ourselves
Re-educating yourself is about updating your mindset to reflect who you are now, not who you used to be. This can involve challenging negative self-talk and letting go of the past. But here’s the catch: your growth might make others uncomfortable. As you develop new boundaries, such as not tolerating disrespectful behaviour or setting limits on your time and energy, and a stronger sense of self, don’t be surprised if some people push back or try to pull you back into old patterns. Re-educating yourself means accepting yourself as someone who pushes back and resists, too.
3. Re-educating Others
It’s not just about how you see yourself—others need to adjust, too. Many people will continue to interact with you based on who you used to be, and your new self might not fit their expectations. Re-educating others can be tough. It means having difficult conversations, setting new boundaries, and sometimes facing resistance. Be prepared for the reality that not everyone will respect your new identity, and some relationships may no longer fit. However, keep providing evidence of your growth so people can have no illusions about who you are and will become.
4. Acceptance and Reinforcement
To maintain your self-esteem, it’s crucial to reinforce your new self internally and seek external support from those who truly get you. However, not everyone will be on board. You may need to distance yourself from people who undermine your growth, even if they’re not doing it intentionally. Prioritise the company of those who respect and support your journey. Remember, your wellbeing is primary. Please don’t spend time with those who think it is secondary.
5. Overcoming Resistance
Growth often comes with resistance—both from within and from those around you. You might struggle with guilt or doubt about changing, and others might resist because it disrupts the status quo. Not everyone wants to see you evolve, especially if your growth challenges their own interests or insecurities. Overcoming this resistance requires courage, determination, and sometimes making tough choices about who you allow into your life. However consequential, always be willing to ‘go nuclear’ and remove people from your life entirely.
6. Ongoing Process
Boosting self-esteem isn’t a one-time effort; it’s an ongoing process. As you continue to evolve, you’ll need to keep re-educating yourself and others. This can be exhausting, especially when people resist or fail to acknowledge your changes. The key is to stay committed to your own growth, even when it feels like you’re constantly fighting for your new identity. Always keep in mind that however taxing the process might be, staying the same isn’t an option. Cast your mind back. Remember how you used to feel.
7. The Ultimate Goal
The goal of increasing self-esteem is to align your self-image and how others perceive you with your core, authentic self. It's important to acknowledge that not everyone will support this change. Some individuals may seek to maintain the status quo or impose limitations. However, the real achievement lies in living authentically despite opposition and discovering strength in your journey.
In the end, boosting self-esteem is about more than just valuing and investing in yourself—it’s about redefining who you are and standing firm in that identity, even when others don’t like it. It’s your right to grow, change, and expect those around you to respect that journey—even if it means letting go of those who don’t.
What should you do next?
If you can relate to the events and issues raised in this article, and you are perhaps feeling a bit stuck, then it’s probably the case that you might benefit from working with us here at Conversations With Impact, and in doing so, you’ll learn about how to use The IMPACT Model to Transform yourself. Please follow the links to take the next steps: